The Gift of Pain

The Gift of Pain

We spend most of our lives avoiding pain.

I get that.

Pain hurts. My natural instinct when I experience pain is to try to avoid it, medicate it, ignore it, or numb it.

Parents of Teenagers expend a ton of energy shielding, protecting, and guarding their teenager from pain.  I don’t blame them for that.  But no parent is strong enough to keep pain from their teenager forever.

Pain happens.

I remember reading about children who were born without the ability to experience pain.  My first reaction was, “That child is so blessed.”

Then I learned that those children would injure themselves and never know it.  Imagine that. What must it be like to have a bone broken and never even know it?

You see pain is not all bad.  Pain has a purpose in my life.  Pain has purpose in your life.  And pain can be a gift to your teenager.

Here are 27 Gifts that Pain has to offer…

1. The glorious realization that we are not in control of everything.

2. The recognition that we are hurt and need healing.

3. The understanding that we need others.

4. The cleansing power of tears.

5. The truth that tomorrow is not guaranteed so treasure today.

6. Being forced to leave what is comfortable and try something new.

7. An openness to new thoughts and ideas that were previously ignored.

8. Capturing the all important life lesson that our decisions have consequences.

9. Wisdom.

10. Remembering the importance of family.

11. Being forced to live life one minute at a time.

12. A new understanding of what is really important.

13. We are forced to face our fear.

14. Developing a sensitivity to others in pain.

15. An opportunity to learn that there are no quick fixes to healing.

16. Being forced to ask for help.

17. The opportunity to discover who are your true friends.

18. Adventure.  An adventure is filled with pain.  An adventure without pain is called vacation.

19. An opportunity to discover that you have more strength in you than you ever imagined.

20. The strength of spirit that comes from surviving it.

21. The opportunity to acquire maturity.

22. The lesson that can be learned from our mistakes.

23. The all important understanding that the attempts to temporarily numb our pain typically only brings more pain.

24. The ability to identify what is wrong.

25. The passion to find a cure.

26. A new understanding of love’s power.

27. The opportunity to grow up.

 

Jeremy Lee

Jeremy Lee encourages parents of teenagers every day at www.parentzilla.com.  He lives in Nashville, TN with his wonderful wife, two amazing sons, and a crazy dog.  You can follow him on twitter here and on facebook here.

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“Back To School” Fill-in-the-Blank Note

“Back To School” Fill-in-the-Blank Note

In the past few days you have sent your teenager off to school once again.  This experience is filled with so many emotions. I wanted to honor the occasion by creating a FREE Connection Tool for you to use to build your relationship with your teenager today.

Here is a “fill-in-the-blank” note you can leave in a special place for them to find when they come home from school today.   I did a lot of the work for you.  You just add your own heartfelt words, print, and hide it in a place where your teenager will find it.

They may never even mention to you that they saw it, but I promise they will never forget it.

________________________________________

 

Dear ___________ ,

Watching you go back to school reminds me of the first day I sent you to school.  You were so young.  You were nervous and excited all at the same time.  I was also very nervous.  Would you be safe?  Would you make friends?

Will you enjoy school?  Will you ever realize just how much I care about you?

It’s funny.  All these years later I still get nervous, and I still ask the same questions.

I just wanted to write you a note to tell you I love you.  I celebrate you as you enter this new school year.

In case you don’t realize it, I have made a list of the things I notice about you that are unique and wonderful.

* You are  ________________

* You are  ________________

* You are  _______________

* You are ________________

All of these things and more are the reasons why I am hoping and praying that this will be your best school year yet!

Your biggest fan,

________________

P.S. I would like to schedule a one-hour appointment with you.  You can choose where we go and what we do.  I just want to hang out, just me and you.  Will you please text me and let me know if you can hang out on ____________________ ?  I am looking forward to it.

 

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How to Slow Down the Summer (and enjoy it!)

How to Slow Down the Summer (and enjoy it!)

Soccer camp, baseball camp, vacation, summer jobs….

It’s so easy to lose our summer in the “schedule”!

Somehow, in the months of March and April, summer spread out endlessly before us. I could schedule all the camps I wanted with plenty of time left over to do the unscheduled things.

There would be plenty of days to swim and catch fireflies and sleep in.  How do I forget each year that summer flies by like the wind!

I remember being young and summers never ending!  How has that changed so quickly?

Now I watch my children who are now all teens or older and I realize that there were so many lazy summer days that I took for granted!

Even complained about because it was too hot or humid or buggy or ….just too something.  My idea of a perfect summer evening is a glass of sweet iced tea on the porch.

My kids idea of a perfect summer night is playing Jail break with the neighborhood kids.  I can listen to their laughter and imagine them one day telling their own children about those fun summer nights!

I guess my point is that we need to enjoy these summer days because they are fleeting.  And that means our time to enjoy (yes, I said enjoy) our teens is also fleeting.

Purposefully, be spontaneous!

I know that sounds like such a dichotomy, but we are such an organizational society that we lose our spontaneity unless we are purposeful about it.

Schedules are fabulous tools to make our lives seem more efficient.  But have you ever noticed that the best times are unscheduled events that surprise you with their simplicity?  Camps are great for our kids.  They give them great experience.

But have you ever listened to the neighborhood children squeal with delight because their hiding place was discovered or they were tagged with the beam of light in flashlight tag?  Yes, our teens still have the ability to squeal.  Just don’t tell them you heard it from me!

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Making The Bus Monitor Cry

Making The Bus Monitor Cry

I just forced myself to watch all 10 minutes and 9 seconds of this video.

It was truly one of the most gut-wrenching experiences I have ever had.  My stomach started churning 10 seconds into the video.

I want to share my first and raw thoughts from the video and I would love to hear your reaction…

1. Bullying Should Not Be Ignored

The issue of Bullying is so complex.  When I think through, “How can I stop bullying?” It feels like someone just asked me to fit all the water from Niagra Falls in a milk jug.  It feels impossible.  But if you are tempted to think that the emphasis on Bullying is too much, just watch this video.  It has captivated the country because this emotional abuse is happening every day to kids.  We can’t stop educating and bringing attention to this subject no matter how overwhelming it might seem to find the solution.

(more…)

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3 Ways to Have “The Best Summer Ever”!

3 Ways to Have “The Best Summer Ever”!

By Jason Gibson

As we move into some of the favorite months of the year for teens, it is a great time to consider how to make the best of this season of sunshine and freedom. Many new experiences can occur for teens during the summer, and parents should be intentional about taking the steps needed to help those memories be something that is savored rather than regretted.

Here are 3 ways to reach the destination:  “The Best Summer Ever”

1) Determine the destination

Encourage your teen to think about how to have the best summer ever. Where do they want to find themselves at the end of the summer? Though a new place to visit is nice, help them to think about more than just a location.

Great summers are about experiences that will allow them to try something new, meet new people, and start fresh–all of which can happen without even having to leave your community. Here are some questions to start the discussion:

  • What is something you have always wanted to do but couldn’t?
  • What would you like to learn how to do/play/be?
  • What person or place could you help in a meaningful way?
  • Are there any relationships you would like to begin?
  • Are there any relationships you need to let go?

2) Illuminate the blind spots

In addition to great freedom and opportunity for your teen during the summer, there is also the need for increased responsibility. There is potential for the summer to become very painful for those teens who are unaware, ill-equipped, or alone. As parents, you need to move past the light stuff and onto those topics that are a bit heavier and sometimes awkward to talk about–things like alcohol, drugs, relationships, sex, and pornography. Not only can these choices be problematic in the present, but they can also have an impact that will last a lifetime. You are the best person to help your teen navigate these waters before they become turbulent.

3) Make a plan

After you have encouraged your teen to determine their destination and helped them to uncover the blind spots, go ahead and have them make a plan. Something written is always better. For example, give them a journal, and at the top of each page, they can write what they want to accomplish this summer. As each goal is achieved, then have them write about it on the appropriate page. You could even have them go digital and do the same thing via computer or social network. Don’t be afraid, though, to encourage your teen to unplug from the digital universe. Many beautiful sites (literally and figuratively) have been missed because eyes were on an electronic device!

Don’t forget that you and your teen can always revisit your plan as the summer progresses. Some of the best vacation memories are those unplanned detours that let us see something we never knew existed. Don’t fill all your pages, either; leave something to consider for the next summer.

Have a safe trip!

Brainstorming: What ideas do you have for parents and teens to use as they plan their summer vacation?

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5 Reasons Parents Should Encourage Their Teen To Be Creative

5 Reasons Parents Should Encourage Their Teen To Be Creative

Rob is a husband, father, blogger, type A creative, aspiring entrepreneur and outside-of-the-box thinker.  He works on Dave Ramsey’s team and loves seeing people doing what they are created by to do.

American teenagers are downright busy. Between school, homework, sports, music lessons, church, etc., there isn’t much time for them to do anything else.

I often wonder why we allow and many times even push our kids to be so busy. We need to ask ourselves if this busy-ness is adding or taking away value from their lives. In most cases I would argue that it is doing more harm than good.

Creativity is probably one of the biggest casualties of busy-ness in American teenagers. One of the keys to being creative is having time and space for our minds to wander. As a parent, you need to help your student to carve out this time and space. Here are a few reasons that parents should encourage their teen to be creative:

5 Reasons To Encourage Your Teen To Be Creative

1. Creativity leads to self-awareness. The teenage years are when we really start to explore what we enjoy, what we are good at and the type of people with whom we connect. There are many adults that struggle to know who they are and there is a pretty good chance that they were never encouraged to be creative. There’s a good chance they were taught to do whatever they could to fit in and not be noticed.

2. Creativity builds self-esteem. Creating art (whatever form it may take) is one of the most gratifying things you can do. For a young person, knowing that you have created something beautiful, exponentially increases your feelings of self-worth.

3. Creativity provides an outlet for teens to express themselves. Teenagers go through a lot of changes- biologically, physically and emotionally. Most of them have never had to navigate through the plethora of feelings that accompany all of these changes. Creating is a great outlet for all of these feelings.

4. Being creative with your teen strengthens your relationship. My dad and I have a great relationship. We are both musicians and some of my best memories with him are of us playing music together. Working together can strengthen any relationship, even with your kids.

5. Creatives are shaping the future more than any other group. This generation has access to more tools and more information than any other generation in history. The only thing they are lacking is the encouragement to step out and use the information and the tools that they have available to them. If you encourage your teen to be creative, they might just become the next Mark Zuckerberg.

Do you encourage your teen to be creative? Why or why not?

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