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There is a new documentary on the issue of bullying coming out March 30. It looks really interesting. Here is the trailer…
To learn more about the film go to www.facebook.com/bullymovie
Has your teenager dealt with Bullying?
Have you ever heard of the Blame Game?
It’s the nickname for the game we play in relationships where we go round and round fighting over who’s at fault. The Blame Game keeps us from focusing on the real issue at hand.
The Blame Game paralyzes relationships. The Blame Game wastes our time because it asks the wrong question. We should be asking, “What is the real problem and how can we solve it?” but we expend lots of energy seeking to discover who’s the culprit for the problem.
Parents believe that the discord in the house comes from the rebellion of the teenager. The teenager feels like they are rebelling because of the actions of the parent. The cycle keeps going until World War 3 breaks out.
Here are 3 ways to overcome the Blame Game today and move forward in your relationship with your teenager…
1) Accept Responsibility- Very rarely in any relationship does one party wear 100% of the blame. Even if your teenager is making crazy decisions, you will never get anywhere if you put all of the blame on them. If you are stuck in the Blame Game with your teenager it may be because one party or another is unwilling to accept any blame at all. When you choose to believe that they may have 80% of the blame but you own 20% of the blame, you are more willing to work on a solution than a guilty verdict.
2) Forgive Your Teenager- When you forgive your teenager you don’t just free them, but you free yourself. I know you love your teenager, but the truth is that they can still disappoint you. It’s not wrong to be disappointed in a decision your teenager made. You hoped they would be wiser or more courageous, but instead they turned out to be human and made a mistake. Your disappointment is not wrong, but it must be temporary. Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a choice to bless what they have done, but it is a choice to move on to re-building trust. Forgiveness is moving past the Blame Game to restoring the joy of your relationship.
3) Forgive Yourself- When you are willing to share the blame with your teenager, you are also free to share in the forgiveness. Even if your piece of the blame is very small it is still important to let yourself off the hook. The biggest issue facing parents of teenagers is Parent Guilt! The problem with Parent Guilt is that it paralyzes us to move forward and grow as a parent. Did you think you were going to be a perfect parent? NO WAY! So forgive yourself and move on to enjoy a relationship with your teenager that doesn’t get stuck on trying to figure out who is guilty and who is innocent.
Here is a Parentzilla Challenge! If you are in conflict with your teenager than tonight before you go to bed say something like this to them, “Let’s stop blaming each other and let’s focus on the problem. What do you think we can do to solve the problem?”
I am hoping that you might get to experience a break through and move past the negativity to enjoy connecting to the heart of your teenager!
from the Duct Tape Prom Dress Contest (http://duckbrand.com/Promotions/stuck-at-prom.aspx )
You only go to your prom once in life. That excitement and pressure is building in the hearts of teenagers and parents around the country this time of year.
Every year proms get more and more involved. That means that as the parent of a teenager going to prom it’s time to get ready.
Here are is a checklist 0f 5 Conversations to have with a teenager preparing for Prom:
1. The Cash Conversation- What will the budget for Prom be? The first conversation needs to begin with a piece of paper and a pencil. Have your teenager write down everything that will cost money during prom. Then agree together on how much to spend. Do this activity whether you can afford the most expensive prom in the world or not. It is not as much about saving you money, but seizing the opportunity to teach the life skill of budgeting money. It will help your teenager appreciate their prom experience when they have an idea of how much it will cost. Decide with your teenager how much of the agreed upon budget they will be responsible for.
2. The Consequence Conversation- Early in the planning process communicate to your teenager your expectations for the evening. You should begin this conversation. Begin the conversation by saying, “We want this to be the best night possible for you, and to insure you can enjoy it without having to go through negative consequences afterwards, here are our expectations.” All you are doing in this conversation is drawing out boundaries for them and telling them to have a blast within those boundaries. This doesn’t ruin their party, but sets them up to have the best kind of fun, the kind that you don’t regret.
3. The Connection Conversation- Preparing for Prom can be really fun! Especially, if you have already agreed upon the budget and your expectations for the evening. Now it’s time to go shop, help your teenager ask their date creatively, take fun pictures, and plan a really special day. Just think about how you wish your parents would have acted when you were planning your wedding, and act like that 
You see this is not just a prom, it is one of the last opportunities for you to have real fun together before your relationship makes a major transition after graduation. Don’t forget to enjoy it!
4. The Creativity Conversation- Prom is wonderful time for your teenager to express their creativity. Self-Expression takes place through the way they dress, the kind of transportation they choose, the people they choose to go with, and the activities they decide to participate in. As long as their decisions are within your agreed upon guidelines, let them have a BLAST! You may not choose for them to wear a dress made out of duct tape, but if that is what they choose then let them go for it. You will have to say “NO” to many things involving prom, so pick your battles and say “YES” when they want to do something quirky to express themselves.
5. The “Can Do” Conversation- Prom brings a lot of joy, but it also brings pain. Maybe your teenager can’t have the date they wanted. Maybe your teenager can’t go with the group of friends they wanted. Maybe your teenager can’t afford the dress they wanted. When your teenager faces the “can’t” it will be time for you to lovingly guide them to what they CAN DO. Very few parents survived prom preparation without their teenager being hurt a little bit. Wise parents offer their teenager another suggestion to help them still enjoy the evening. No one asked you to Prom? Why not go with a group of friends? You aren’t allowed to stay in a hotel all night? Why don’t we throw a big party at our house? You can’t afford to ride to the prom in a limo? Why don’t we borrow your Uncle Jed’s monster truck? Sometimes a little creativity can save the day!
Are you planning for Prom? What are some of the issues you are facing? Do you have suggestions for other parents planning for prom? It would be great to hear your voice. Just leave a comment…
Instead of fighting your #teen ‘s interest, FUEL IT. Use it as a chance to teach them to not just dream, but execute their dream.
It’s the year 2047. Your Great-Granddaughter is about to have a baby.
What kind of parent will she be?
Will she parent with patience?
Will she parent with purpose?
Will she have a plan for passing down her values?
Will your Great-Granddaughter be a loving, healthy example for her new baby?
The answer to that question depends on what you do today. The adolescent journey can wear you out as a parent. You work all day, you clean your house, you try to figure out how to pay your bills, and then you have to face a progress report from your teenager’s teacher that says they are failing chemistry!
It can be so overwhelming. Let me invite you today to take a step back and think again about your Great-Granddaughter. Imagine her holding her little baby. She will hardly know who you are, but she will also never realize how much you have affected her as a person. You have a direct influence on her little baby, because you are blazing the trails that her parents and grandparents walked. The decisions you make today set the pace for that baby.
You have a choice. You can either let that scare you to death, or you can let that inspire you to grab some perspective. Today, you can refuse to just raise a child, but rather guide them into a young adult.
See yourself today as the patriarch or matriarch that you are. Your influence will last for three or four generations. Will your children and grandchildren be propelled by you into health or will they have to overcome your example to be successful?
What you do today matters. Don’t waste your opportunity to make a difference that lasts for generations. Resist the temptation to give in to the stressful situation in front of your face, and parent with a long-term perspective.
You can do this.
Here is a great video for you to watch today about why we have leap year. If your teenager asks you today, “What is Leap Year anyway?”, you can look really smart!
