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Welp! It is the 12 and final episode of our YouTube Series today. Which also signifies the end of our Parentzilla launch!
Over the last 27 days I have seen some amazing stuff happen. All I can say is that I am so grateful. I will post some of my highlights over the past 27 days tomorrow, but for now enjoy Episode 12 and please share it with a friend!
I want to always make sure I am highlighting the positive voices that are out there for your teenager. If you do not yet know Josh Shipp, you will want to check him out.
Here is what I like about Josh Shipp. He speaks your teenager’s favorite language, HUMOR. Then he uses that language to say to your teenager the same exact things you are saying. Yet, he gets a different reaction than the apathetic ones that frustrate you. Why? Because of the law of the 3rd Party. As a strategic parent you should be actively seeking positive “3rd Parties” in your teenager’s life. Ask yourself this question, did you have a mentor or older friend that you looked up to when you were a teenager? That is a 3rd Party!
The problem is that most parents just give up and believe they have no say so in the 3rd Party conversation. Not so! Especially if you start early in the adolescent journey you can play matchmaker for your teenager and their 3rd party. Now I will be honest, it may or may not work. But isn’t it worth a try? There is a fine line between strategic parent and a control freak, I admit that. But I say get out your tight-rope walking shoes and walk the fine line. Because if it works you could have an influential 3rd party in the life of your student who works to grow you and your teenager closer together instead of further apart.
Josh Shipp is one of those great voices that you will want your teenager to listen to. He gets them to laugh and then listen. It is a powerful gift that you can use to your advantage.
He is featured on MTV , CNN, Fox News, and he is known for being a source of great advice for teenagers on his YouTube Channel. Check him out and don’t be afraid to suggest him to your teenager.
Megan Lacefield is married to her highschool sweetheart and mom to a teenage girl and boy. She loves every opportunity to learn from her mistakes and share what she's learned to help others in their journey. She is by no means the perfect parent, just a mom on the journey to raise her kids in this crazy thing we call life. She serves kids cradle to college, and their families, as the NRGen Pastor at New River in Weatherford, Texas.
As a mom of a teenage girl, in the trenches of parenting, here’s a few things I’ve learned on this journey, raising a teenage daughter in this crazy thing we call life. I learned early on that the key to every healthy relationship is communication. Kids need parents that are in their business, know what’s going on in their world, ask questions, share the stories of their childhood successes and screw-ups, and love them unconditionally no matter what they may say or do. My daughter, our relationship, her choices, are by no means perfect… it’s been quite messy actually, but I know for certain that there are a few key conversations that all parents must have with their teenage daughters. We will call them the non-negotiables.
Conversation #1
Be smart. Challenge her to make wise choices. We put a lot of time and energy into telling them what they should or shouldn’t do, teaching them right from wrong, but the most important thing we need to tell them is that all choices are theirs to make, we just want to equip them to make smart ones. In every situation there’s a smart solution and a not so smart solution. Present options for how they can handle situations and ask situational questions like “if you ended up in a car with someone driving crazy, what would you do?”
Conversation #2
Be open and honest. Talk to your daughter about how important communication is. I’ve told my daughter since she was very young “the more I know about what’s going on in your world, the more privileges and freedoms you will have.”. Making mistakes or messing up isn’t the big deal, not telling us and letting us walk through it together is. Trust is earned not given freely and the consequences for getting caught are way different than when you confess.
Conversation #3
Be you. Ask her the question “who do you want to be and what are you committed to? What are your not willing to compromise?” This applies to dating, drinking, driving and all the other normal teen activities. It’s about getting them to open up. They’ll share a lot if you listen. Have them tell you where they stand on each of those issues, then share where you stand and figure out, together, what the boundaries are. Sometimes they just don’t understand the facts, the dangers or the possible consequences of some things. Recently I had a conversation with a teen that wasn’t my child she asked “is it okay for me to drink with my friends?”. My first response was going to be “NO!” but after a little thought I explained that the legal drinking age is 21, and that means if she were to drink with her friends it’s breaking the law. I also shared with her that it compromises her judgement and could lead to things happening she is unable to control. After she heard the facts she understood the why behind the no.
We want to set this generation of girls up to make decisions based on what’s right and what’s best. We want, as parents, for our kids to make smart choices and be open and honest. If we flat out say no to everything or give them the flippant “because I said so” we haven’t given them a good enough reason to listen. The best thing we can do with teenage daughters is communicate, which involves talking and listening, so they can be who they were created to be.
Today’s video discusses the biggest change I have seen in almost 20 years of working with teenagers and their families: BUSY SCHEDULES. Please don’t pack your bags to go on a guilt trip with this topic, because it is not all your fault. The academic and athletic expectations in our culture have increased dramatically.
That is really not so bad. It’s creating much smarter and athletically gifted young men and women. The increased demand on time and resources for academics and athletics cause the moral development of our teenagers to get the emotional scraps from our table. That is a real problem.
This will backfire on us when we have a smart, athletic teenager that is morally poor.
To engage our teenager’s soul, we must first engage our own. I have a little exercise for you today. Let’s do a little exercise called Rebel and Repeat…
1) Grab a pen and paper. Make a list of the core values of life your parents passed down to you. Ask yourself, “what did they teach me that was the most important things in life?” The more honest you are on your list, the more you can make a difference in your teenager’s life.
2) Write “Rebel” by the ones that you do not want to pass down to your teenager. These are the values that you no longer believer or that had a negative impact on you.
3) Write “Repeat” by the ones that you do want to continue in your family heritage. Make a note or two of how you plan to pass it down.
My belief is that your influence as a parent will last down to your great, great, great grandchildren. With these last few years of parenting it is time to make sure you are passing down the important values that will make a difference in your grandkid’s lives down the road. I am cheering for you to raise smart, athletic kids with fully funded college scholarships. But my loudest cheers will come when you raise a young man or woman that lives with a purpose greater than themselves that they learned from you!
In the comment section today, I would love for you to Honor Your Parents by listing the core values they gave you that you hope to repeat! I can’t wait to read what you say!
There are many reasons I want you to know about Kiva.org. First of all it is an amazing website where your family can offer loans to small-business owners overseas who are in poverty. It is a great way for you and your teenager to work together to make a difference in a life across the world.
That is actually how Kiva.org got started. A mother and father invested in their daughter Jessica Jackley when she was a teenager. When I first heard Jessica Jackley, the co-founder of Kiva.org, it was at the Catalyst Conference. I had heard she had appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show and her micro finance website was changing the world, but I was most excited to hear about her father.
Jessica shared in the interview that when she was a teenager her father and her would have a yearly “summit” where he would help her write out her dreams, set goals, and create a theme for the year. It was during these times with her Dad that Jessica learned to dream and developed a passion for fighting injustice.
Take a look at the video above and start planning a “summit” with your teenager where you can help them channel their passions, dream, set goals, and make a difference in the world around them.
